Grieving a child after miscarriage

Although miscarriages affect many women, they remain a sensitive subject, too often minimized or brushed aside by society. Yet for parents, it is frequently a devastating and painful experience that brings intense emotions—emotions that those around them may struggle to understand.

Recognizing this grief, no matter when in the pregnancy the miscarriage occurs, allows parents to move through it at their own pace while also helping to break the silence around the loss of a child through miscarriage.

Confronting the tendency to downplay the loss

It’s important to acknowledge that the loss of a baby during pregnancy can bring on grief as real and profound as the loss of someone who has lived outside the womb.

After a miscarriage, parents may experience sadness, anger, denial, or confusion. Some mothers even feel guilty, wrongly believing they caused the miscarriage, when in reality it is most often a matter of chance.

Phrases like “You can always try again” or “It wasn’t really a baby” may seem harmless but can deeply wound grieving parents. Such words diminish the grief, the love, and the bond they felt for their child, leaving them isolated and misunderstood.

Grief following miscarriage can even lead to depression, which is far from a minor issue.

Supporting the parents

Many people feel uncomfortable or unsure of what to say to someone who has lost a child. Some avoid the topic altogether.

But parents often need the opposite: to talk about their child, to share their emotions, and to feel that their loss is acknowledged.

Gestures that are especially meaningful and appreciated include:

• Being present and available
• Refraining from judgment
• Acknowledging the child’s existence
• Listening with compassion
• Respecting silence and sorrow
• Asking about the baby
• Using the child’s name
• Offering practical help (meals, transport, childcare, etc.)

While the support of loved ones is invaluable, professional counseling and support groups can also play a crucial role. Each parent processes grief differently, and for some, seeking help is essential.

Living with grief

Personal practices and symbolic rituals can help parents work through their pain, such as:

• Naming the child
• Keeping photos or mementos
• Writing a letter to the baby
• Lighting candles
• Planting a tree in their memory
• Holding a private ceremony
• Attending memorial events

Acknowledging the child’s place in the family, even if only symbolically, can be a source of healing for grieving parents.

Caring for parents

The loss of a child affects both physical and mental health.

From a physical standpoint, medical follow-up after a miscarriage may be necessary depending on the stage of pregnancy to prevent complications.

On the mental health side, psychological support can be vital in working through the range of emotions, such as anxiety, guilt, or even depression, that may arise.

Encouraging social and institutional change

Some initiatives already exist to raise awareness and break down barriers surrounding miscarriage grief. These include awareness days, training for healthcare professionals, and, in some cases, parental leave after perinatal loss, depending on the stage of pregnancy.

However, change must continue within families, workplaces, and society as a whole. Only by speaking openly can we break the silence around miscarriage grief.

Let’s not stay silent.

Article written in collaboration with Vie de Parents