Oppositional behaviour in children

Is it normal for a child to resist your morning routine, such as refusing to get dressed, eat the breakfast prepared by their parents, or tidy up their toys before leaving the house? Is it a problem if a child says "no" to everything? What if this behaviour is actually a way of communicating?

Oppositional defiant disorder or simply oppositional behaviour?

First, it is important to distinguish between oppositional behaviour and oppositional defiant disorder. Young children go through periods of assertiveness that are completely normal, such as the "no" phase around the age of 2, which is an important stage in their development, allowing them to gain independence. However, if opposition continues and intensifies beyond early childhood, it may be necessary to consider oppositional behaviour disorder.  

Oppositional defiant disorder

Oppositional defiant disorder in children is a constant refusal to comply with the requests or rules of authority figures, such as parents, daycare educators, teachers, and various school staff members.

Some key symptoms characterize oppositional defiant disorder in children, including:

• Systematic refusal to comply with requests or rules
• Provocation with the aim of irritating or upsetting authority figures
• Tantrums in response to various requests or suggestions
• Anger expressed through physical or verbal aggression

The child's needs

Behind the tantrums, refusals, and provocations displayed by the child often lie unmet essential needs they are trying to communicate. 

It is therefore important to be aware of the underlying causes of these harmful behaviours, which may reflect, for example:

• A need for attention, affection, or security
• Significant lack of sleep
• Emotional or sensory overload
• A desire for independence
• High levels of anxiety.

The environment in which the child lives can also influence their behaviour, such as a demanding, unstable, rigid, or unpredictable environment.

The cycle of opposition

When opposition disorder occurs, behaviours escalate to the point that they become problematic and even harmful to daily functioning. The various caregivers or authority figures, often parents, play a crucial role in interactions with the child.

When they respond to the child's arguments by explaining themselves multiple times, arguing, and repeatedly justifying their point of view, it can only lead to escalation and a power struggle between the two parties, as well as a feeling of powerlessness, which does not result in any satisfactory outcomes. This only serves to worsen the situation and elicit undesirable behaviour from the child.

In other words, arguing fuels the cycle of opposition.

Supporting the child

How should you deal with a child who shows signs of oppositional behaviour or disorder? Support, rather than punishment or correction, is the key to success.

Active listening and validation are valuable actions that help calm the child's emotions and prevent the situation from escalating into anger.

It is important to look beyond the child's behaviour and try to understand the underlying needs that are not being met.

Of course, adults' expectations must be adapted to the child's age and abilities.

Some caring intervention techniques work quite well, including:

• Giving the child choices so they can make good decisions
• Plan for transitions so that they happen as smoothly as possible
• Giving positive attention, such as pointing out efforts, successes, and positive behaviours when they occur
• Setting aside time to listen to your child or do an activity together helps strengthen your bond

In addition, by setting clear and specific limits, children are better able to understand expectations and the consequences of their behaviour.

Help and resources

It’s important to remember that some behaviours are only temporary and do not necessarily indicate oppositional defiant disorder.

However, if the signs continue and worsen despite the measures taken, it may be time to seek help from a specialist, such as a psychologist, neuropsychologist, psychoeducator, or social worker.

With proper care, children learn to regulate their emotions and grow up to lead healthy, balanced lives.

Text written in collaboration with Vie de Parents