Debunking 5 myths about sexuality (and a sixth we often overlook)

Sexuality is a topic that fascinates, intrigues and can even frighten people. Above all, it generates a wide range of misconceptions. We grow up with idealized images of sex, whether from movies, pornography, chats with friends or social media.

As a result, our expectations often clash with real-life experience. These myths can lead to frustration, insecurities and sometimes real distress. So why not set the record straight?

1. Sex should always be effortless, natural and pleasurable

This is perhaps the most widespread myth—as if every encounter must flow seamlessly, delivering instant pleasure every time. In truth, sex is far more nuanced. Factors like fatigue, stress, anxiety, body image or even health issues all play a role. 

It’s perfectly normal to have moments that feel less satisfying or even a bit uncomfortable. That doesn’t signal a problem; it simply means body and mind aren’t always on the same page. We need to normalize the fact that pleasure can vary from one experience to the next. Sexuality is something you learn over time, through different encounters. Which is exactly why honest dialogue with your partner, spoken with patience, compassion and an open mind, is so vital.

2. Spontaneity is the secret to great sex

We often hear that the best sex is unplanned, born of wild passion. Yet real life rarely affords such carefree moments, particularly when you share a household, juggle busy schedules, care for children or carry stress on your shoulders. 

Planning isn’t “unsexy.” On the contrary, it can fuel desire. Carving out an intimate moment lets you mentally prepare, set the mood and clear space to truly let go. It also establishes a safe container in which to express wants and boundaries. In short, conscious, scheduled sex can be thrilling.

3. Orgasm is the ultimate goal

Another persistent myth casts orgasm as the sole point of sex. This results-oriented view piles enormous pressure on partners, turning intimacy into a performance. 

But sex is so much more than reaching climax. It’s a sensory, emotional and relational journey—a space for play, connection and closeness. Yes, you can experience deep pleasure without orgasm. Sometimes you may not even want one, and that’s perfectly okay. Letting go of that expectation can open the door to a gentler, freer and more authentic sexuality. Remember: sex isn’t a checklist; it’s an experience. 

If you’re curious, check out our article on slow sex to learn how slowing down can shift the focus from performance to the experience.

4. Sexual performance defines your worth

We’re quick to quantify sex: duration, number of orgasms, intensity of sensations—as if those metrics determined our value as partners or people. This mindset breeds performance anxiety and can seriously undermine your sex life (read more about sexual performance anxiety here). 

But sex isn’t a competition, and there’s no universal scorecard. What truly matters is communication, mutual respect, shared pleasure and attentiveness to each other’s needs. Instead of chasing feats, aim for genuine connection. The most memorable experiences are defined not by how long they last, but by the intimacy they create.

5. Women are less interested in sex than men

This myth persists despite lacking any real biological basis. Women can feel desire as strongly as men, but cultural norms, upbringing, taboos and personal history often shape how they express it. 

Suggesting that women “want” less sex can sow shame or confusion in those who actually experience strong desire. It’s time to recognize that libido knows no gender. Everyone is unique, and sexual drive ebbs and flows according to factors like environment, hormonal health, emotions or relationship dynamics.

6. If we love each other, sex should be effortlessly great

This idea implies that love alone guarantees a fulfilling sex life. While love deepens intimacy and trust, it doesn’t eliminate the need for conversation, adjustment, curiosity—or even professional support at times.

Loving someone doesn’t mean you automatically sync on timing, rhythm, or desires. Precisely because you care, you take the time to talk, explore, and listen to each other.

To wrap up, sexuality needn’t conform to preset norms or scripts. It’s diverse, evolving and sometimes messy—and that’s exactly where its potential for connection and pleasure lies. Busting these myths makes room for a more grounded, compassionate and human sexuality. 

If you gave yourself permission to shape sex on your own terms, what would your ideal experience look like?

Article written in collaboration with Au lit avec Anne-Marie