Intimacy after having a baby: Everything you need to know

Becoming a parent transforms many aspects of life, and sexuality is one of them. Yet we still talk too little about it, as if desire and sexual pleasure should automatically return to "normal" once your baby arrives. The truth is that every experience is unique, and it's essential to normalize this transition period. Here's a gentle, no-pressure overview of the physical, emotional and relational realities of sex after childbirth.

Real physical changes

After childbirth, the body undergoes a number of transformations, which can have a direct impact on your sex life.

Vaginal dryness and discomfort

The drop in estrogen, particularly during breastfeeding, can lead to dryness of the vaginal mucosa, making intercourse sometimes uncomfortable or even painful.

Pain or scars 

Whether you've had a tear, episiotomy or C-section, your body needs time to recover. Fear of pain is normal.

Intense fatigue

Short nights, physical recuperation and coping with everyday life can put the libido on hold.

Weakened self-esteem 

Some women feel they no longer recognize their bodies. This can affect their sense of desirability and desire for intimacy.

The role of hormones and breastfeeding

Breastfeeding has a major influence on hormones, notably with an increase in prolactin (milk-producing hormone), which can lower sexual desire. This is neither a lack of interest in your partner, nor a personal problem: it's the body's normal biological response, which shouldn't be ignored.

What the head experiences: Emotions and social pressure

Postpartum sexuality is also strongly influenced by emotional state.

Guilt and expectations 

Many women feel pressure to "get their sex life back to normal", often too quickly.

Fear of pain or of becoming pregnant again

Even with contraception, some women experience apprehension that blocks desire.

Post-partum depression, anxiety or the baby blues

These conditions can reduce the desire to connect with others, on every level.

It's important to remember that having little or no desire after childbirth is not an anomaly. It's a natural adjustment that needs to be understood and tamed. 

Impact on the couple

These changes also affect couple dynamics:

Possible misunderstanding on the part of the partner

They may feel rejected without understanding the context.

Emotional or physical detachment 

When fatigue or emotions take over, intimacy can seem secondary.

The partner's libido may also be reduced 

Stress, lack of sleep or the fear of "hurting" can also dampen desire.

Sharing responsibilities 

A partner committed to co-parenting can help lighten the mental load, which has a direct impact on overall well-being—and libido.

Rethinking sexuality: Slowness, tenderness and rediscovery

Good news! This period also presents an opportunity to reinvent sexuality, removing it from the realm of performance.

Intimacy beyond penetration 

Sexuality isn't just about intercourse as we often think of it. It's time to remember that sexuality isn't just about penetration, it's also about caresses, cuddles, looks and emotional connection. Learn more about the art of intimate connections.

Take your time

There's no "deadline" for resuming sexual relations. Listening to your body is the best compass.

Rediscovering pleasure  

some women report that their sexuality becomes richer, more aware and more connected after going through motherhood. It can also be a good time to discover or rediscover pleasure through masturbation. It's also an opportunity to turn to practices, such as slow sex.

A few kind words of advice

Talk to a professional 

Whether it's a sexologist, doctor or perineal physiotherapist, there are resources to help you.

Communicate with your partner

Expressing your needs, fears, and limits is essential.

Don't compare yourself

Everyone has their own rhythm. What's "normal" is what's right for you.

Sexuality after childbirth is neither broken nor lost, but it is important to understand that it is simply in transition. With patience, gentleness, and honest communication, it can develop into something equally beautiful, and sometimes even more profound and satisfying.

This text was written in collaboration with Au lit avec Anne-Marie.